I love all your letters! I WISH I had the time to reply.. but I hope you all know that I feel so much love from you! Im forever grateful for your heartfelt letters!
First of all... Hermana Quintanas heart is ok. She passed all the tests at the doctor and is feeling much better, whew!
WHOAH MAN. Me and Hermama Quintana have been working our butts off in the HACE CALOUR SUN. Man its hot and humid! BUT TODO BIEN. I actually love it. Im realizing that everything I do is for the people. My sleep, my health, the food I eat (WHICH MOM I'M TAKING VITAMINS AND IM FEELIN HEALTHY), MY STUDIES, my thoughts, my prayers, my spirit... ALLLLLLLLL FOR GOD AND HIS CHILDREN. And I cant describe it. I feel so much love for them. Sometimes Im just like.. aahhhh I cant handle the spirit. HAHA cause itss sooo strong here in Lima.
So this week Hermana Q and I have been feeling so discouraged. Ive been praying so hard ever since I entered the MTC. Why are people are so worried about baptism numbers? FIRST OF ALL I WANNA SAY BAPTISM IS EVERY MISSIONARY´S GOAL. OF COURSE BAPTISM!!! POR QUE NO ASK PEOPLE TO BE BAPTIZED AND HAVE THE HOLY GHOST?!!! ITs the best gift ever!! BUT MY PROBLEM IS that there are a lot of people who don't understand that purpose at all. You cannot in good conscience commit someone to baptism that has no clue what they are doing and you know it. Me and Hermana Quintana have come to find out that the Elders who served here 2 years ago, literally ruined Lima not grasping that important concept. Honestly every person they baptized is no longer active. This week at church we had less than 20 people show up and that counting all the little ninos. I know I'm a missionary.. but forgive me.... HOW DARE US MISSIONARIES BE SO FEARFUL AND SO CAUGHT UP ON THE COMPETITION THAT WE JUST CARELESSLY BAPTIZED EVERY ONE... GET THE PRAISE FOR IT.. AND THEN LEFT THESE SWEET SOULS... REPEAT SOULS:. IN THE DUST. Its not the peoples fault. They are soo sweet and pure in heart. They havent been given the fair time and teaching as to the importance of the gospel AND WHAT IT CAN DO FOR THEM. They dont understand the atonement. My heart absolutely aches because there are SOOO MANY LESS ACTIVES that are terrified to come to church because they feel they aren´t worthy. WE´RE ALL UNWORTHY. THATS WHY WE HAVE THE SACRAMENT EVERY WEEK-.They havent been taught the atonement. How can we possibly expect people to stick with it, when we dont take the time and energy to teach and win their hearts to Christ in a loving manner. We cant do this for the numbers. We must do this for the people themselves. They dont realize we have this incredible Lord that has saved us from guilt and sin and pain.
I know that IM CALLED TO DO A SPECIFIC WORK. For the longest time I thought... theres no way. I cant even speak the language. But ya know what, Im gonna pull a NEPHI AND I WILL GO AND DO And for the longest time I felt embarrassed when people would say they felt something special around us missionaries. I dont have all the knowledge. And now I know that its okay. I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS GO BY THE SPIRIT. BECAUSE ALL THINGS THAT ARE SPIRITUAL COME FROM GOD. We need to strengthen the members first IN LIMA. Hermana Quintana feels the same way. Our go to scripture is Alma 31;34,35. 34 O Lord, wilt thou grant us that we may have success in bringing them again unto thee in Christ.
35 Behold, O Lord, their are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee.
Ahhh Im sorry so many feelings. But I just want TO TESTIFY THAT THE MISSION IS NOT A GAME NOR COMPETITION. I've SEEN WHAT THE MINDSET OF NUMBERS FOR MISSIONARIES DO TO PEOPLE. This is not about me, its about the precious people. IM working so hard every day to bring others come unto Christ and I know Dios is with me and Hermana Quintana. How great will be the day when I see my first baptism and I can say to God that I truly love these people and Im not worried about numbers. I care more about their future and their family. I care more about them coming to you and feeling your spirit entering their souls. How beautiful baptism is. And how beautiful baptism is when it is done RIGHT.
Ahem. Sorry. Rant over.
Yesterday during church I was praying and praying asking God to please guide me in this work. To please help me know what my purpose is and right after my prayer and I felt like I needed to look down. I looked down and looked at my hand. Feeling hopeless to really reach my friends in Lima my eyes filled up with tears. And then I remembered the bracelet I was wearing today I looked down and the words that God wanted me to know at that exact moment, "To thine ownself, BE TRUE." Never again will I doubt myself. Never again will I doubt the langauge. Never again will I doubt the feelings and the promptings I get in lessons. Because its Jesus Christ seeking these souls. Its Jesus who is telling me in every lesson, ¨Marie, make sure they know that I love them.¨ Hermana Q is probably thinking, why does this chica tell them this every time? But I know that if I always get this prompting, it must be important. I cant even express how much love I feel for this people. How badly I want them to receive the holy ghost and experience the beautiful process of repentance. And the beautiful process of CHANGING. Im the person who absolutely hates change, but now I can honestly say.. I love it. Its all part of Gods plan. I know Im the same Marie, but the change has come that now I am closer to Christ than ever. :) His eyes become our eyes, his heart becomes our heart. Most beautiful change in life.
The language is COMING. My only problem is showing my personality, because if you havent noticed, I have a very large, energetic person inside here that needs to get out and express myself. It KILLLLLSSSS me every time we talk to to people because they're probably wondering, wow shes a very shy person. AND IN MI CABEZA IM LIKE... I LOVE TO TALK. Ahhhh. There was one specific time where I was praying in a lesson and asked Padre Celestial, Please help me with this language. Please just help me show my personality. And Padre Celsetial never fails me with his loving response, I know you Marie, I know who you are. And after I heard those words in my mind, it changed my whole perspective. THAT REALLY IS ALL THAT MATTERS, HE KNOWS US. AND HE LOVES US AS WE ARE. He knows our strengths, weaknesses, personality. And what else matters? So if you´re ever feeling lonely, or no one is accepting you or no one understands you... THERE IS ONE WHO ALWAYS DOES. There is always an amazing best friend with us standing at our side. I think about Springville High and how EVERYONE--- INCLUDING ME---- has had a lonely time in high school. But I testify that Jesus is with us. He lives in Springville High. He lives in our bedrooms. He lives in our closets. Hes watching me when I sleep in Argentina. Hes making sure Im okay.
I have pics for for you! Haha they're of me and my primary buddies. The kids in Lima are my besties because they laugh at me for NO REASON. MAYBE CAUSE I DONT HAVE THE LANGUAGE OR CAUSE IM SOOO FREAKIN FUNNY WITH MY GRINCH QUOTES!!HAHA they love my grinch quotes and they LOVE my grinch voice - Its pretty good people. :) HAHA ohh and I sing Ariel alll the time. At first I was like, yikes. Thats kinda too much. BUT NOW I LOVE IT. ITS HOWS I EXPRESS MYSELF! :)
Fam.. I read the best chapter about the Atonement. Im sooo obsessed with it. Its starts off in Mosiah 3 starting in 25, 26, 27. Kind of harsh... but HOLD ON. Read Chapter 4 vs. 2,3 2 And they had themselves in their own state, even than the dust of the earth. And they all cried aloud with one voice, saying: O have mercy, and apply the blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins, and our hearts may be ; for we believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who heaven and earth, and all things; who shall come down among the children of men.
3 And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the Spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a of their sins, and having peace of , because of the exceeding which they had in Jesus Christ who should come, according to the which king Benjamin had spoken unto them., and then in 4 king benjamin tells them THERES A REMAINDER OF WORDS WHICH HE SHALL SPEAK UNTO THEM. And the read the rest of that chapter. I TESTIFY THAT THAT SECOND HALF OF UNDERSTANDING THE ATONEMENT is the most important half. I still dont even understand it, and I think thats how its supposed to be. BECAUSE IT REQUIRES US to dig deep and find more about Jesucristo y su Expiacion. So HOW?? LAS ESCRITURAS MIS AMIGOS!! MAN. I love el libro de mormon and la biblia. I WISH I could have taken more advantage of that before the mish. I get sooo excited to read them because its an oportunity for me to learn more about DIOS! How awesome. LASTLY, I know that if we keep our eyes on GOD, we´ll see the good in all things. We´ll come to know that life isnt about the wordly things... or being the president.,. or being famous.. or being rich... or being pretty... ITS ABOUT COMING TO JESUS CHRIST AND HEAVENLY FATHER. And when you know that, life makes sense and you understand your purpose. And who you are and who GOD sees you as.
Im grateful for my family. I love you so much. I spent my thanksgiving eating cheeseburgers and eating the best JUAN JOSE helado. It was a good day. :) I love you all. GOD BLESS MY SWEET FAMILY!! Carry on Carry on Carry on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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